Black Mens’ Approach: Just a Friendly Competition?
Posted March 10, 2011
on:Have you ever took the time to think about how you interact with the opposite sex?
When attempting to get the opposite sex’s attention, it’s all about the first impression and approach. African-American males have a very different view on how to approach a female than a white male. Black men use a different technique that involves more than just verbal communication. I will be going into detail about the various forms of communication black males do to grasp a female’s attention.
In Black culture, it is customary for black men to approach black women in a manner that openly expresses a sexual interest.(Kochman 75) When a black male first approaches a female, the first thing he is sure to acknowledge is physical features. In other American cultures, this is often seen as a form of sexual assault. Black men make references to body parts on women as a way to show they are appealing. Simple phrases such as “Don’t hurt em'”, “Hey baby, let me talk to you for a second,” just to give some examples, are used to get the woman’s initial attention. African-American males generally have phases or steps they go through to “get the girl.”
Black males do resort to touching a female to get her attention. This brings on the forms of body language that is used. An example of this would grabbing a female’s arm. They use this form when the female shows non-interest. Nevertheless, this shows a challenge . Since Black men love these, this is not their cue to leave the woman alone.
Direct rejection is the main way to stop pursuit. A forceful verbal insult usually stops the black male from trying to “get to know you.”
Black males recognize that women make the final decision on who they select to give a chance. This “decision” becomes a challenge to them. African-American males love challenges. They are very competitive. Nonetheless, they see the woman as a “prize,” based on how hard it is to “get” the female. By getting the females number or any other form of contact is seen as “winning.” Not suprisingly, this is very similar to a game itself because the whole win or lose aspect. I would like to end the entry on asking a question.
Is this form of body and verbal language REALLY an efficient way to “get the girl”?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyJYQVCYdb8&feature=related
By: Raven Hudson March 10,2011
25 Responses to "Black Mens’ Approach: Just a Friendly Competition?"
I think that this article has many true statements about what African American men see as acceptable when letting a female know they are interested. I really have never experienced any real aggressive behavior from any black men. Talk and actions do not hurt anyone and it is their way of letting you know they think you are attractive and they are interested. People should always have the option of expressing themselves as long as no one is getting hurt in the process.
Briggette O
This post is very easy to relate to as a girl! Personally, I notice regularly the difference in the way a white male hits on me compared to the way a black male might attempt to pick me up. Your ending question prompts a very simple yet in depth discussion. I feel like whether this type of flirting is effective or not depends on the girl that the black male is flirting with. Although this is a simple answer, the discussion comes from what might make this effective for this girl in particular. With the prevalence of interracial relationships these days, I do not necessarily think that black women accept these methods of flirtation more than white women. Due to this, I wonder what other aspects of a girl’s personality make her respond the the typical, generic pick up methods of a black man.
Sarah Harmon
AA Comm Online
I agree with everything you said. I experience encounters like this all the time. Being approached in the manner that you spoke of doesn’t really bother me I guess because it’s something that I am used to and expect for African American men to do when they are trying to approach a female. They do like a challenge and you must indeed be forceful and stern when you are not interested in their coming on to you. That type of flirting is not always effective but society isn’t teaching them any other way.
Honestly, a woman already knows if she is going to give a man the time of day as soon as she sees him (physical attraction), so all the man has to do to get the girl is say the right words when he approaches her and he’s in, so really the man doesn’t win the woman the woman already chose him. I know this may hurt some male egos but its the truth “get over it!” you don’t really have game because game just means liar; your a good liar, that’s why most very attractive men get turned down because of their arrogance and egos; the woman decided she didn’t want to talk to you for whatever reason and the man took it hard. In the end, this form of body and verbal language is really not an efficient way to get the girl.
Damien Bell
I completely agree with you, I already know whether a guy is going to be able to get my number a few seconds after his initial “hey ma”….there’s nothing you said in here that I feel was wrong. you hit everything that I was going to put down on the nose. Game is just lies and most men don’t realize that we can see right through that. You’re completely right, in my opinion, i feel that a lot of black males need to cut out the game approach and just be real. (Though a lot of them won’t or can’t be real, because their intentions are never to be real in the first place.) But i am so very happy to hear all of this coming from a black male wish there were more who saw the world like you!
I personally think that the effectiveness of the approach has to do with the female who is approached and her preferences. I know that this would personally not work on me, but I have a lot of friends who love when guys approach them in that way. I have seen this happen countless times and really the outcome can go either way. So again, I think it ultimately has to do with the woman being approached.
-Jenna
COMM 275-01
I agree with most of the post. In my opinion black males are a bit more forward when they first meet a girl. The part in the article that I agreed with the most was where it said black men tend to talk about the females body features. I actually see that happen all of the time mostly with black males.
1 | EmmaLcomm275media
March 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I agree what everything you said, in that relates to an article I read in my self and society class in which was by Razian, D. (2007) The girl hunt: Urban nightlife and the performance of masculinity as collective activity. Symbolic Interaction. It was study that a white sociologist did in Philladelphia or Boston can think accurately about the city but it probrably was because it was done on the comparisons of white and black males. Basically, on how these interactions with male counterparts or their bestfriends how they get hyped up before going out in preparing in actively being able to get a girl. They called their best friend or “side kick” the wingman the one who helps give them pointers in achieving picking up the girl. The article basically is saying that guys feel like their masculinity is defined on picking up a girl and the approval from other male counterparts and when not achieved the feel less of a male. The same thing with black males they try to use their method of “running their game” as stated in achieving through that method. Just thought this would interest you since it relates!
-Kirstin Plunkett
african american language
March 31, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Hi Kirstin,
Yes I see how that relates to my blog. Black men do define their masculinity by approval from their “boys” and the attention they get from females. It seems their whole method of “getting the girl” is a strategy.
african american language
April 4, 2011 at 11:56 pm
Having this pointed out to me is interesting as a male. A good way to hurt your relationship with another guy is to insult their girl in any way shape or form! If another guy asks me what i think of their new girl friend, if i say anything negative about her i might not be in good terms with them any more; probably because (as you said) their masculinity just “took a hit”. It is one of those things that you know but are not aware of because you are surrounded by it the whole time. Very interesting post!!!
Ethan Grunst